A year ago, anxiety weighed me down. Now, I’m about to move abroad

Things were pretty bad a year ago. I had plans to get a flat with a friend and we even had one secured. I was finally about to have more independence and my own space, which was really exciting. It was definitely a positive change. But then the anxiety started to get worse and worse. The panic attacks became more frequent and my health wasn’t as good as it should have been. It felt awful having to let go of the flat. I felt terrible for letting my friend down. It was so disappointing for so many reasons. I can’t remember having ever felt worse. It was the most horrible thing.

But a year on from that, everything is completely different. The anxiety is now far better than it was and I’m now able to do loads more than I could a year ago.

And now, I actually am moving away. What’s more exciting is that I’m moving to a foreign country for a few months. As an aspiring foreign correspondent, it’s the most fantastic thing.

It’s the greatest feeling in the world knowing that things are moving forward. And the best part is being able to look back and see how far I’ve come from that terrible place. I can finally get that sense of independence I missed out on a year ago. It has also highlighted to me the vital importance of seeking help when you need it. If I hadn’t last year, I know that everything would have been completely different right now. I would definitely encourage anyone who needs help to simply ask for it. Because I know from experience that it really does go far in making things better again.


How I deal with my bad days

We’ve all had days we’d like to forget. We’ve made bad decisions or someone has pissed us off or whatever. There might not even be an identifiable reason for it. But whatever brings on a bad day, there are various ways we can cope with it. So these are a few of the things I do to deal with my own bad days.

  • Rationalise the Situation

Putting things into perspective is one of the more effective methods I use. I consider everything that has happened and what will realistically happen in the worst case scenario. Having done that, I think about how I’d go on to deal with it. Things don’t seem to be quite as bad after that. But taking control of your thinking is far better than letting your mind scare you into thinking much worse will happen.

  • Write

Putting all your thoughts on paper is a great way to get separate yourself from your worries. I love writing anyway so it’s brilliant for when I want to de-stress. It’s only psychological but tearing up the piece of paper you used to write about your worries can be a fantastic visual way to deal with everything.

  • Talk out loud

Everyone’s heard this at one point or another. But it really can help. It’s not something I tend to do often but it can be good to actually hear your thoughts out loud. In a couple of my own experiences, talking about what is wrong has helped me to rationalise bad situations.

  • Refer to past experiences

Everything that has happened in my past has worked out before – I always try to remember that. So there’s no reason why, if I handle them correctly, any other problems won’t. It also helps me to consider how I dealt with things in the past and use them to cope with what I have to now. Because they worked once before, right?

  • Walking

One of the only good things about the town in which I live is the beach. It’s a nice place to go for a walk to clear your head. I do this quite a lot and it really does work. It’s so calm (usually!) so it allows my mind to become ‘calmer’. The fresh air is brilliant when I need to mull things over in my head.

So these are the things that have helped me on my worst days. Some of them even go hand in hand. While they won’t always completely solve my problems, they at least go far in helping me to deal with them.



Seeing my anxiety through positive eyes

Mental illness is something that is often difficult to talk about. It is even more so for someone who is suffering from one. But mental health is being discussed more and more, with even high profile figures such as Prince William and Lady Gaga bringing it into the spotlight. And that goes a long way for many people suffering.

I can say, from my perspective, that I am so grateful to those who are talking about mental health. It makes my own struggles seem far less alienating. I suffer from anxiety. With the right help, it is being controlled and I am well on the way to recovery. But at my worst, I couldn’t sleep or eat and even leaving the house was sometimes difficult. I would cry for no reason and have panic attacks over minor things. Honestly, it was one of the worst times of my life. And I hated every moment of it.

But there was something in me that didn’t want to let it defeat me. There was so much I wanted for myself and the thought of the anxiety taking it all away was terrifying. I wanted to be able to leave the house without fearing I’d have a panic attack in front of total strangers. I wanted to be able to get enough rest. I didn’t want my physical health to start deteriorating. But above all, I really just wanted to be happy.

That’s when I decided to ask for help. It was scary at the time but, even to this day, I’m so glad I found the courage from somewhere to do just that. Because even though I haven’t fully recovered, I am now in a much better place. I am starting to do things I previously would never have done; I am (mostly) sleeping better; and I am happier than I was.

But despite how awful it can be, I try to see my anxiety in the most positive way I can. Personally, I think that’s one of the best ways from me to deal with it. In some ways, I can look at it as being almost like a motivator. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do something or I’m not good enough. But on my good days, I try to prove to myself, and the anxiety, that I really can or that I am good enough. And maybe that has been a factor in leading to my recovery so far.

So although it’s one of the most difficult things to do, looking at my mental illness through positive eyes on my good days can go some way in helping me cope. And when it’s one of my bad days, I just have to remember the person I want to be and keep looking forward.